Am I a LOSER??

I don't have any idea to write right now, but I seriously need some motivation..

While I am thinking about my PhD journey, I started to pounder about my Islamic knowledges..

As I read some Islamic books, I started to questioning about several things (it's actually not about  aqeedah, but more into fiqh)

Yes, its sometimes quite confusing when several people keep saying that those things are permissible while the others aren't!

That things still lingering in my brain until now (the confusion)…
*crying loud*

I am a Muslim! And I went for a religious high school from my past, but suddenly when I grew up, all of the Islamic knowledge that I had silently faded??? That's why I need to admit that I am a LOSER!!!

I am a LOSER because:

-I'm still thinking of dunya, more that hereafter

-I always work hard for something that I knew it won't last forever

-Enjoying my sins, even though I knew it will lead me to the hell fire

-Hardly forgive people

-Not sincere in doing good deeds (only Allah knows my level of sincerity)

-Always pray to meet him (you know who) to walk together to Jannah instead of struggling my self!!!

Oh, Allah!! Please…please…please forgive me…

I seriously, desperately need to enter Your Paradise.. (Although I don't deserve the blessing of Paradise, but yet don't have the strength to withstand the torment of hellfire)...

Lead me to the straight path….

Show me the firm and truth faith,

And let me only meet the people who always seeking for the truth…

Ameen ya rabbal alamin…



From Birm, with Love,
Sufiah